Mama’s gonna check out all your girl friends for you
Mama won’t let anyone dirty get through
Mama’s gonna wait up till you get in
Mama will always find out where you’ve been

– Pink Floyd “Mother”

I’m not sure if this is my worst nightmare coming true or if this is greatness (wrapped in an accident) waiting to happen.  My mom just joined Facebook.

She sent me an email this past weekend asking if I would come over and help her with it.  And, although I live about 3 minutes away, it took me until tonight to get the gumption up to actually do just that.  Why?  Many reasons, I suppose.

The main reason is that she is 107 years old, give or take about 35 years.  Have you ever tried to show someone in that demographic how to do something on his/her computer?  It would be like showing me how to shoe a horse.  I may grasp parts of the concept, but the full details?  Not gonna happen.

So the first thing I did tonight was to take her through her friend requests.  But those are tricky, because there are always the “friend suggestions” mixed in there.  Apparently, one of my mom’s friends decided she should be friends with, well, everyone.  But my mom, bless her (and this is where I got it), was very discerning.  “No, I don’t want to be friends with her.  No, I don’t want to be friends with him.”  However, I did not encourage her to use the “ignore” button as an option because I know how this drug works.  Once she snorts that first Facebook line, or plays her first game of Candy Crush, she will approve all friend requests.  That is what happens.  And those existing friend requests will be there when that line (pun intended) is crossed.

The next thing I did was to explain to her what the icons in the upper right hand corner mean.  The globe is for notifications, the envelope is for private messages (oh, the ramifications of that one), and the people figures were for friend requests.  I’m not sure how much of this information she grasped because I think I told her she could also play Wheel of Fortune and Price is Right on this meth lab of communication.  (Her eyes popped out at that point like Bugs Bunny looking at the pin-up rabbit.)

Finally, I explained to her the “News Feed” function.  This is where the action is, right?  I showed her how to comment (always a dangerous proposition) and also how to update her own status.  Can’t wait to read “Fell asleep watching ‘Days of Our Lives’ again”.  Or “I won $1.25 in Bingo today!”

And for those of you who think I am being mean, I will just say that you do not understand how the relationship between my mom and myself works.  She loves to laugh.  We had a lot of fun tonight just doing a stupid Facebook tutorial.  And her being my Facebook “friend” will not affect my posts at all.  In fact, she will see this link in her news feed.

But will she figure out that clicking on it brings her to this entry?

Baby steps, mom.  Baby steps.



2 thoughts on “Mother

  1. Due to the linebreak, I was expecting a more bawdy payoff to “I may grasp parts of the–“, but since this is about you and your mom, I suppose it’s just as well.

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