I Might As Well Wear Panties

16 04 2008

Ok, I admit it: I am an American Idol geek.

I’m not sure how this happened, either. Even after Kelly Clarkson won in season one (have you heard that she and I are from the same town?), I still somehow eluded the allure of, well, spares.

Until the last few years, that is.

Now I find myself tuning in whether I want to or not. And, true to the viewing public, I have some inadvertent hot sports opinions about the show. In fact, this may turn into a rant.

1) “Beatles Week” was cool… the first time. But the producers of the show were so happy that they had secured the rights to the Lennon/McCartney (and even the underrated Harrison) catalog that they drew from the well a week too long. Thank God that no one sang “Yellow Submarine”, though.

2) Mariah Carey? Really? Show me her tits, sure (or even better, Dolly Parton’s from the previous week), but don’t drag the TV viewing audience through her song catalog that bores me to tears.

3) Is there a number three?

4) I am so pissed – beyond pissed – that Michael Johns was voted off. Two weeks after he had what, to me, was the best performance I had ever seen on Idol (Dolly’s “It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right”, though David Archuletta’s version of “Imagine” comes close), the hunky Australian was given the proverbial boot. Nothing short of shocking, if you ask me. All that proves is that too many retards have phone access.

5) Carly Smithson? Kinda hot… but enough with the sleeveless shirts. I think your husband’s tattoo shop is going to do fine without your shameless promoting.

6) Brooke, you are growing on me. And not like a wart.

7) Enough with the booing every time Simon gives feedback. Admit it: he is the only reason you watch the show.

8) Paula Abdul is so overly positive that the kiss of death is when she opens her critique with “You look great.” Girl, you know it’s true.

9) I’m really surprised that Jason Castro doesn’t open up a bag of Doritos after singing any of his pot-induced, ukulele warbles thanks to ganja munchies.

10) I’m still rooting for the underdog, Kristy Lee Cook, because she is a look alike for my cousin Hollie. (Truth be told, though, Hollie has a better voice. Really. Honest.)

11) I still contend that losing Idol opens more doors (Clarkson excluded because she was the first). I would rather finish number ten than win and be beholden to Fox and their “exclusivity” terms that are tantamount to slavedom.

So now, in true laziness blogdom fashion, here is the Michael Johns performance of the Dolly Parton song.

Love you.

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