And Goodwill To Men

It seems to be a weekend ritual of ours… a trip to Goodwill to bargain shop.

Before scoffing, realize a few things: There are some damned good deals to be found at Goodwill. For example, my Timberland boots were less than eight bucks and my Old Navy jeans (in the very difficult to find waist size of 31) were less than five. Also, Goodwill stores here in Austin are big business. Hell, they even have commercials on radio and TV promoting new (i.e. unused) merchandise. Dawn was particularily proud of a satin flower arrangement she found for six dollars because the original price tag was still on it. To my disbelief, it was over 200 bucks.


I know. I’m amazed, too.

Anyway, this past weekend, I just wasn’t into it. I have a hard time spending money on myself unless there is a very pressing need or a vice is involved, and neither of those conditions applied on Sunday so I went in because, well, I basically had no other options. And the Goodwill we were at is a very large one, so I knew that Dawn would be browsing for quite a while.

(At least we got to eat some Chinese food first. Of course, while pulling a mussell from a shell, I had the fleshy food bounce right off of my white shirt and onto the floor, leaving a nice brown stain right around the Rhode Island logo in the center of the tee.)

I wasted some time looking at some cool shirts that would be nice to have if I really had a need for them until boredom set in. And when boredom sets in, that is when the comedy bits emerge. Thankfully, at this Goodwill, the only prop needed for my act was there.

Hanging proudly at the end of a rack, on one of those hangers with little clips, was a pair of white undies. No noticable stains, just your garden variety “tighty whities”. I grabbed them and went to search out Dawn to show her what my treasure hunt turned up.

As I mentioned before, the Goodwill we were in was a rather large structure. I thought I’d find Dawn in a few seconds, but I ended up walking around the store several times before finally meeting up with her…

… all the while proudly holding the underwear on a hanger.

For the first two minutes of my search, I was completely embarrassed. After that, I embraced my stupidity. Hell, I probably gave several customers in the store something to talk about for years, all the while ammusing my simplistic self.

Then, as we were getting rung up at the register, when I handed my debit card over to the cashier, Dawn said “You got Chinese all over you!”

I’m not quite sure how the Asian woman who was ringing up the sale felt about that remark…


7 thoughts on “And Goodwill To Men

  1. I swear I have never laughed so hard as when I saw you walking down the isle holding those underwear on a hanger. The expressions from the on lookers was also priceless. Half fear, half disgust.

    If only you had done as I begged you and walked up to the register with them while smelling the crotch.

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